Sex Positive Parenting: What is it and why does it matter?

Written By Cassie Castro, Graduate Masters Level Student

The dreaded “talk.” We know it all too well. It’s either the conversation we did or didn’t have with our parents about our bodies and sex. How old were you when you first learned about your body and sex? Who or where did you learn this information?

It’s an age-old tale of the embarrassed teen sitting uncomfortably and listening as the parent awkwardly tries to explain the “birds and the bees.” Even today, I’m still unsure of how this confusing analogy works in regards to sex.

Sex positivity is exactly what it sounds like, it takes away the negative shame and stigma we often hold about our bodies and sex. This helps promote the importance of safe touch and sexual health from infancy through adulthood and beyond.

Sex positive parenting changes “the talk” from a one time awkward life event and instead encourages parents to break it down into age appropriate language that considers the developmental stages and maturity of your child as they grow.

Here are some small steps to begin practicing sex positive parenting with your child or teen today.

  1. Think about your own relationship with your body and sex. Do you carry any current opinions/beliefs that you would feel comfortable/uncomfortable about passing on to your child?
  2. Use the accurate names for body parts such as “vulva,” “penis,” and “breasts.”
  3. Openly practice and talk about consent and what it looks like in different scenarios. No means no.
  4. Encourage your child to take ownership of their body by asking if they want to be tickled, hugged, or kissed.
  5. Explore different resources such as books, trusted websites and videos to help share information with your child or teen.

And finally, trust yourself and acknowledge that you are the most reliable source to help your child to understand and learn about their bodies and sex.

Now that you have a quick intro about what sex positivity means and how it might look like as a parent, check out additional resources that can help answer any lingering questions.

One of my favorite resources is Sex Positive Families, founded by Melissa Pintor Carnagey, LBSW. Check out the website at https://sexpositivefamilies.com/about-spf/.

If you are interested in seeking out your own counseling services in regards to sex positivity as an individual or as a parent, feel free to reach out to Ajana Therapy & Clinical services for a free 15-minute consultation or email us at info@ajanatherapy.com.