I’ll be Home for Christmas…and in Therapy After That: 5 Ways to Deal with Family During the Holidays

Written By: Jessica Eiseman, MS, LPC-S, NCC, CCTP

I recently saw this posted in the bottom of a decorative bowl, “I’ll be home for Christmas…and in therapy after that!” I chuckled for a minute and then thought, there is actually a lot of truth in that statement.

Having to interact with family during the holidays can bring up a lot of stuff for people. While I am generally not one to blame mom and dad for everything, family dynamics are a significant part of what brings people into therapy. No one’s family is perfect. But the holidays are a perfect reminder and a perfect opportunity to bring up old shit and reminders of dysfunctional family dynamics.

I was listening to holiday music and Delilah, the popular radio host (don’t act like you don’t know who I’m talking about), came on talking between songs. She said something along the lines of:

“The holidays tend to put a spotlight onto whatever you are dealing with during this time.”

Family definitely can be a major spotlight. It seems no matter how old you are, you get back together with your family unit and everyone falls back into formation, just like when you were 13.

Here are five suggestions to help deal with family during the holidays:

  1. Don’t go. Kidding, sort of. At least set some boundaries, or parameters surrounding your visit. It’s okay to limit your stay, or stay in a hotel instead of the family home.
  2. Do more of what you want. Try integrating your own wants or traditions into the family gathering. Or if you want to do something like hit up the sales after Christmas day and no one else does, then go for it!
  3. Talk to your family ahead of time and see what the expectations are during your time home. At least if you know what you are getting yourself into, you can prepare. This also may be a great time to bring up what topics are off the table to talk about–politics, religion, why you aren’t pregnant…you know, the fun stuff. If someone does end up bringing up something you don’t want to talk about, you don’t have to answer. No, really, you don’t.
  4. Take a step back. Pause. Breathe. It’s okay to excuse yourself, if you need to. Self care doesn’t have to go out of the window just because you are with your family.
  5. Hand out your therapist’s cards to everyone at the dinner table…not really, they can’t see them, but remind yourself that the healthy relationship you are forming with your therapist will be there for you when you return. And your therapist won’t mind listening to you talk about the familial chaos that ensued. Remember: You have the right to be healthier than those around you!