Choosing a Counselor: How Bad Counseling Experiences Inspired Me to Become a Counselor
Written By: Nancy E. Castellon, PhD, LPC AssociateÂ
I am sure you’ve heard it before – choosing the right counselor is vital in your treatment. No pressure, right?
So, how do you pick the right one for you?
Short answer – “Listen to your heart.”
Long(er) answer – “It’ll take more than one counselor and many, many tries.”
When I was an adolescent, I had my first counseling experience for family conflict and questioning my sexuality. My counselor was a nun who shamed me and would challenge me as if I were a grown-up. As a result, I became good at avoiding questions and became an even better actor. It was a tragic experience, except…
It served as my first inspiration for becoming a counselor. I also told myself that I was forced to go, so choosing a counselor would make things easier, right? WRONG!
A Second Shot at Choosing a Counselor
Fast-forward into my early adulthood when I became depressed and suicidal after so many years of masking who I truly was. I gave it another go at choosing a counselor; after all, I knew that I definitely did not want a nun as a counselor.
But then I found myself sitting across a male counselor who yawned throughout my sessions and never once asked if I was suicidal (which I was dying for him to ask). But I kept going and thinking that this was better than my previous experience. It was way better than being by myself in my apartment. I only stopped going because he stopped scheduling me. No termination. No check-in call. Nada.
It would’ve been much more logical for me to wipe my hands and say enough to counseling at this point, and I had such valid reasons for it. However, I am a person who goes head-on to the issue than to turn away. My life by this point had gotten out of hand. I still hadn’t healed in any shape or form.
Then why did I find myself enrolled in a mental health counseling program?
Because I matter. Because YOU matter. I couldn’t allow myself to turn away from what I had experienced. All I wanted and needed was for someone to tell me I mattered and truly listen to me and see me for who I was.
It comes as no surprise to me when some of my clients inform me how they have had bad experiences with counselors. Although I can’t erase what my clients have experienced in counseling, I tell them that counseling is sometimes like dating. You date around until you find the right one, and we all want something different. AND THAT’S OKAY. What matters is that you feel comfortable enough to say, “this isn’t working for me” if it comes to it.
Not all break-ups need to be tragic.
By the way, I did find the right fit for me. I was allowed to be scared and excited at the same time. She allowed me to set boundaries on topics I wasn’t ready to reflect on. She even got me into group counseling. If you know me, you know that I am extremely introverted and prefer to avoid other people. But it wasn’t her idea; it was mine. She simply gave me a nudge in the direction I was already going.
Sometimes we use role models to reach our dreams. Other times we use the experiences we’ve had. For me, it was about being invested enough in myself to create change.
